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Wednesday, 6 April 2016

Five thoughts every guy has had. They will not admit it though.

The joy of writing is exploring uncharted waters, revealing hidden truths, judging and substantiating mannerisms, all from a position of convenience. (Bujabs Dennis)

Being a guy, that is to say, a male specimen of the Homo sapiens species is trying at best. Nevertheless, we (guys) all dance to the adage when given lemons, make lemonade. Nature dealt us this card, and so we play, and while doing that, we entertain thoughts. Please understand that these thoughts are not meant to demean or discriminate. These thoughts are derived from common curiosity, the wish to know. After all, if curiosity killed the cat, then satisfaction brought it back.


At one point in life, every boy has fell prey to this, it usually reveals itself in a school setting, just after the teacher/professor or lecturer hands back the results to an exam, only for the culprit to realize, that the things they wrote as answers couldn’t have been further from the truth. To add salt to injury, there is always this one person in class who scores in the top percentages every single time, to this hated and envied genius, every concept is simple, every chemistry equation balance-able, every mathematical equation understandable and every biology terminology memorable. You end up opening the biology textbook, to study the human brain and see if brains are different, maybe the clever idiot has two parietal lobes. Alas, you realize that brains are all the same, and therefore there is no one to blame for your stupidity, as such, the only suitable course of action to hate the clever idiot more.


God made man, man made money, money made man very jealous. Every guy, in their secret musings, fantasizes about being the richest man on the planet, I mean, what is more enviable than having more dough than anyone on earth, and trust me, every boy, man, father and grandfather wishes to be the subject of envy. It is an obvious rationale that, if people envy you, you are better than them. That much money, I would pee on the main street of the capital, abuse the president, have sex in between the goal posts of the biggest football stadium and buy a big ass yacht and name it “Am richest”
Alas, wishes are not horses. Sorry folks, there can only be one richest man at a time.


Ladies, don’t be fooled, every sane guy, born in lower classes of society, has thought this thought. Do not misunderstand, thinking it is not the same as doing it. Besides, this thought is only entertained when money is a problem, financial difficulties can make even then most sane guy do the most insane things. Problem is, the sugar mummies we think about do not even exist. We usually visualize, a rich beautiful madam, in her early thirties, looking for sex. But then we realize that the only sugar mummies out there are ugly grandmothers, in their late fifties, who for one reason or the other, never had enough sex in their nether years and want to be reminded what if feels like. Yuck!


Believe it or not, and no matter how much they might argue to the contrary, guys are emotional too. If a guy undergoes a long dry spell (And for idiots who don’t understand what a dry spell in this context means… A dry spell is a period of loneliness and sex deprivation, where every lady a guy HUMBLY requests to have sex with refuses) the guy in question will start voicing questions, one of which will be if they are handsome. The problem with this mentality is that it achieves nothing apart from self-pity. And those feelings of depression will be magnified if you are ugly to begin with. So ladies, next time you see a guy considering to kill them self, just give him sex. Pretty please..?


YES! Guilty pleasures. Threesomes are every guy’s dream, the number three is symbolic. It is divine. And before you judge, just picture what every guy pictures when they closet themselves to masturbate.
One guy. Two ladies. One room, NAKED.
Damn, that is some legendary shit the likes of Pythagoras theorem and trigonometry, it’s primal and sensual like the pyramid of Giza or something. It ALMOST happened to me one time.

So, ladies there you have it. The secret list of five

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DENNIS ohuru

DENNIS ohuru