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Wednesday, 6 April 2016

Five thoughts every guy has had. They will not admit it though.

The joy of writing is exploring uncharted waters, revealing hidden truths, judging and substantiating mannerisms, all from a position of convenience. (Bujabs Dennis)

Being a guy, that is to say, a male specimen of the Homo sapiens species is trying at best. Nevertheless, we (guys) all dance to the adage when given lemons, make lemonade. Nature dealt us this card, and so we play, and while doing that, we entertain thoughts. Please understand that these thoughts are not meant to demean or discriminate. These thoughts are derived from common curiosity, the wish to know. After all, if curiosity killed the cat, then satisfaction brought it back.


At one point in life, every boy has fell prey to this, it usually reveals itself in a school setting, just after the teacher/professor or lecturer hands back the results to an exam, only for the culprit to realize, that the things they wrote as answers couldn’t have been further from the truth. To add salt to injury, there is always this one person in class who scores in the top percentages every single time, to this hated and envied genius, every concept is simple, every chemistry equation balance-able, every mathematical equation understandable and every biology terminology memorable. You end up opening the biology textbook, to study the human brain and see if brains are different, maybe the clever idiot has two parietal lobes. Alas, you realize that brains are all the same, and therefore there is no one to blame for your stupidity, as such, the only suitable course of action to hate the clever idiot more.


God made man, man made money, money made man very jealous. Every guy, in their secret musings, fantasizes about being the richest man on the planet, I mean, what is more enviable than having more dough than anyone on earth, and trust me, every boy, man, father and grandfather wishes to be the subject of envy. It is an obvious rationale that, if people envy you, you are better than them. That much money, I would pee on the main street of the capital, abuse the president, have sex in between the goal posts of the biggest football stadium and buy a big ass yacht and name it “Am richest”
Alas, wishes are not horses. Sorry folks, there can only be one richest man at a time.


Ladies, don’t be fooled, every sane guy, born in lower classes of society, has thought this thought. Do not misunderstand, thinking it is not the same as doing it. Besides, this thought is only entertained when money is a problem, financial difficulties can make even then most sane guy do the most insane things. Problem is, the sugar mummies we think about do not even exist. We usually visualize, a rich beautiful madam, in her early thirties, looking for sex. But then we realize that the only sugar mummies out there are ugly grandmothers, in their late fifties, who for one reason or the other, never had enough sex in their nether years and want to be reminded what if feels like. Yuck!


Believe it or not, and no matter how much they might argue to the contrary, guys are emotional too. If a guy undergoes a long dry spell (And for idiots who don’t understand what a dry spell in this context means… A dry spell is a period of loneliness and sex deprivation, where every lady a guy HUMBLY requests to have sex with refuses) the guy in question will start voicing questions, one of which will be if they are handsome. The problem with this mentality is that it achieves nothing apart from self-pity. And those feelings of depression will be magnified if you are ugly to begin with. So ladies, next time you see a guy considering to kill them self, just give him sex. Pretty please..?


YES! Guilty pleasures. Threesomes are every guy’s dream, the number three is symbolic. It is divine. And before you judge, just picture what every guy pictures when they closet themselves to masturbate.
One guy. Two ladies. One room, NAKED.
Damn, that is some legendary shit the likes of Pythagoras theorem and trigonometry, it’s primal and sensual like the pyramid of Giza or something. It ALMOST happened to me one time.

So, ladies there you have it. The secret list of five

Monday, 4 April 2016

Stereotypes we should do away with.

  Conformity is the death of progress.
Typically, am possessed of philosophical tendencies that drive me to questioning notions I deem illogical. What society condones and accepts, and that when looked at keenly don't fit, I upset.
That said, there are these assumptions based on misdirection and prejudice that we will do well to put away.  Today I lay bare these societal stereotypes and those that drive them.

STEREOTYPE 1. Every successful person achieved their success through sheer determination, hard work and resilience

Driven by: Rich lazy snobs looking to justify their ill gotten positions.

Ladies not so much ladylike and gentlemen not so gentle, the saying nothing comes on a silver platter doesn't apply to everyone. Not every one starts from the bottom, some individuals are privileged to start from the middle, and at times even the top rungs of the societal ladder. They then proceed to yammering about how they started from the bottom and succeeded through effort. Never having known a day of hunger, dropped out of school or experienced the dozen difficult experiences that comes with poverty. If you are guilty as charged, stop running your mouth about your parents or relatives success, you, like so many others, are a lazy, luck buffoon.

STEREOTYPE 2. Every female socialite is a prostitute

Driven by: Ugly, jealous women looking to console themselves on their oh so slovenly looks.

If your looks leave a lot to be desired, blame your ugly parents. It doesn't give you the license to go about preaching the every socialite is a prostitute gospel, I mean, who are you to judge. In addition, most of the time female socialites cash in on their looks, and that's the same as what models do the world over. So by saying female socialites are prostitutes, does that mean female models ride the same boat. Go think about that.

STEREOTYPE 3. Every unemployed person is a brainless underachiever

Driven by: The society at large.

This stereotype is laughable. In a bastardized nation, where employment and professional advancement depends entirely on your connects and the people you know, to think that every unemployed person is brainless is just, well, very foolish.

STEREOTYPE 4. Every street urchin is a runaway. 

Driven by: Mean, stingy individuals searching for an excuse not to part with a few coins on the streets.

This stereotype goes a long way in showing just how much the society is warped. Some individuals would rather keep a few coins and tell a street beggar to go back home, this to a person who knows no home but the street, than to give said beggar a few coins to buy breakfast. And we say human beings are humane, animals savage. In this case, the vice versa is true.

STEREOTYPE 5. Without money, relationships are bound to fail.

Driven by: Weave wearing, mascara painting, gold digging bitches whose fake eyelashes are the least fake attribute you need to worry about.

These women's ambition in life is to find a successful man, one whose success they did nothing to bring about, and latch onto the said man like some bed bug, hoping by all that is good that he will provide them a good life. Well, if you are guilty as charged, allow me to enlighten you. What do you take that rich man for? A fool? Do you think he will not see you for what you are? In most cases, you will be used and dumped. Its just that simple. You cannot reap where you did not sow.

STEREOTYPE 6. Every pregnant lady had sex

Driven by: Guys everywhere

This particular stereotype is understandable, sex being the most efficient and easily accessible tool for impregnation. Nonetheless, just because a woman is pregnant, doesn't necessarily mean they had sex. In this medically advanced world, there is such a thing as artificial insemination. The introduction of sperms into a woman's uterus for the purpose of achieving pregnancy. In addition, I have heard of rare cases where a woman became enceinte by swimming in a pool, and was vaginally penetrated by dexterous sperms. 


Driven by: Old fashioned education stakeholders, who fail to understand that the application of the syllabus in society is non-applicable. 

In high school, I would sometimes sit and ponder, awe struck, at what the universities represented. Institutions where the few privileged to attend get access to previously hidden/sacred knowledge that would somehow make them the betters of their counterparts not so privileged to have gone to university. I was wrong.
Imagine my horror and disappointment when I got to university, after just one semester I realized that the body I worshiped was a bedlam of corruption, a dogma of lecture missing lecturers and marauding "pupils" who sought the flimsiest excuse to riot all the while masquerading as enlightened university students.


Driven by: The religious sectors of society.

All generalizations are false, including the generalization that all generalizations are false.
The above stereotype is perhaps easy to substantiate, that because the larger percentage of night club patrons in any night spot close to a campus is usually university goers. Nevertheless, the generalization is false. Believe it or not, there is a large number of University students that love books, and who would rather visit the library and drink coffee.


Driven by: Vote seeking politicians.

I can relate to this, having watched several parliamentary reruns and debates, to think different is hard. But, I am one of a few individuals that know they are not always right. I know for instance, that, somewhere in the world, there is a not yet discovered politician, whose motivations and intentions are pure.


Driven by: The government, for the purpose of  attracting revenue bearing tourists.
You see them in commercials, at the airport welcoming tourists, on the streets. Garbed in red shukas, ears pieced and hair painted. The society paints them as backward and illiterate,  that, however is not the case. Some are tech-savvy, socially trained, fashion conscious individuals. Take L-jay Masai, the gospel singing sensation for instance.  

DENNIS ohuru

DENNIS ohuru